The Case for Caring Out Loud
Photo by Matthew Davis on Unsplash
It often starts small: Someone says something sincere: "I missed you," or "This matters to me", then immediately walks it back with a joke. We learn, sometimes early, that sincerity can feel risky. So we soften it. Make it sound less serious. Shrug it off.
This reflex is rarely questioned. Irony, after all, is safer than exposure. Distance feels more manageable than vulnerability. And so we start to hide what we care about: first in conversation, then in behavior, eventually even from ourselves.
What It Means to Be “Uncool”
Uncoolness, in this context, isn’t about a lack of awareness. It’s about a lack of armor.
Sending a podcast-length voice memo instead of a text. Celebrating your small win without irony. The not-so-close friend who remembers your tea preference. These gestures are rarely praised. But they register. They stay with us.
There’s a kind of integrity in people who let themselves care without trying to package it.
How We Learned to Hold Back
Caring deeply doesn’t always go well. Maybe someone once mocked your enthusiasm. Maybe honesty was met with silence, or it just felt easier not to try so hard.
Over time, those experiences shape habits. We start to edit ourselves. Avoid subjects that feel too emotional. Gravitate toward casual tones, perform nonchalance.
In high-achieving or image-conscious cultures, this can be amplified. Being chill becomes a currency. Being earnest starts to feel like a liability.
What Changes When You Stop Performing
Things don’t become simpler overnight. But they become clearer.
People tend to respond to sincerity. Not always with the same energy, but often with a different kind of openness. Conversations deepen. Friendships root more firmly. Interactions shift from performative to personal.
There’s also more room for awkwardness, but also for meaning. You stop optimizing your personality for likeability and start letting it align with who you actually are.
What Practicing It Looks Like
Letting someone know you thought of them and not following it with “No idea why.”
Saying thank you without trying to make it funny.
Wearing the thing you love, even if no one else gets it.
Letting a song move you, even in public.
These aren’t grand gestures. They’re small choices. Repeated consistently. And while they won’t make you the coolest person in the room, they might make you the most present.
The Emotional Tradeoff
There is a cost to caring. You risk being misunderstood. You lose the protective layer that irony provides. But the tradeoff is connection.
You begin to experience your life less as a curated performance, but as something felt. This doesn’t mean you’re always vulnerable. Just that you no longer treat vulnerability as something to avoid at all costs.
Over time, that shift builds trust, not just with others, but with yourself.
A Different Kind of Confidence
Sometimes someone notices. They hear something in your voice or see something in your face and say, “You really meant that, didn’t you?”
And you say yes - without apology or walking it back.
Because you did and stopped needing to hide that.